Heartbreak

19 Jan

Each one of us has gone through (or are going through) a season of sadness where our hearts are broken and we feel like happiness can never be ours again.

There are many types and I couldn’t really dish out some advice on how to get over it.  Each situation is different.  Each pain unique.  But I’d like to share about a heartbreak I recently went through.  I pray that you be blessed as you read this.

My heartbreak was over a friendship that ended – with me not knowing why it did.  It was like one day we were close and then the next, my friend just decided the friendship was over.  I was at a loss.  At first I thought it was nothing – maybe my friend was going through something.  Maybe my friend needed the space.  So I let it be for a few days.  I still said “Hi” and acted like nothing was different, but after a few weeks, I knew nothing was the same.

The difficult thing about it was, there was no closure at all.  I was confused.  I couldn’t figure out if I said or did anything that could’ve offended this person.  After analyzing things in all the angles possible, I decided to confront and ask.  The answer was “No, I’m not angry with you.  Take it easy.”  So I accepted the answer but things never went back to the way they were.  Everything my friend did shouted “I’m avoiding you. I don’t want to talk.

I was sad for months.  I cried when I thought no one was looking.  I got exhausted from acting happy when I wasn’t.  Every single day was a challenge.  I tried reaching out but everything I did was rejected, albeit with subtlety, but it was painful still.  I remembered spending time alone in a coffee shop.  Praying:

“Dear God, all I want is to not feel this pain anymore.  All I pray for is to start forgetting – that I get to the point where I can finally say “I am done.”  I just want to be happy again – genuinely happy. To hear my laugh and feel it too; to look in my eyes and see it sparkle with happiness and not with tears.  To smile and not feel my heart twitch in the betrayal of it.”

And that’s when I realized it was time to let go.  To stop over-analyzing things and just simply let go.  No matter how hard it is.  No matter how painful it might be.  I had to accept the fact that whatever friendship we had was over and it was time to move on.

What did I do then, you wonder?  Here are 3 of the major things I did:

  1. I went back to my first love: God. I dedicated more of my time to prayer and devotion.  I talked to God about it, pouring my heart, telling my Father in heaven about my friend and how hurt I was.  I cried to God – surprisingly, not to bring my friend back but to lead me to where He wanted me to be.  I knew God had a reason for this happening and I believe that if I trusted God I will be better off than I was before – my heart will not only be mended, but whole.
  2. I focused and devoted my time to the husbo and our families. You see I spent more time with this friend, going out, eating out and having fun.  The husbo didn’t really mind because he’d rather stay home. But still, it took quality time away between husbo and me.  (Just to be clear, the husbo knew everything from the start, the husbo was the only one who never tired of listening me talk about it for days on end.)
  3. With God’s guidance, I distanced myself away from my friend – emotionally and physically. I did not go out of my way to see this friend. No communication at all – no text, no YMs – NADA.  Melodramatic in other’s eyes but it was essential for me to move on. God is always GOOD. I never felt the longing I used to feel.  I get sad from time to time when I remember, but God always quiets my heart.
  4. I stopped listening to sad songs. Because I knew my emotions are easily affected by music, I stopped listening to sad songs.  I listened to podcasts instead.  I downloaded Joel Osteen’s podcasts as well as those from our church.  I filled my ears, my mind and my heart with God’s word.
  5. I did not hurry the process but I did not wallow either. I allowed myself to feel the pain but all the time I prayed to God for strength.  I knew in my heart that this was all happening for a good reason and that God will reveal the lesson to me in time.  I repeated Romans 8:28 everyday: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.”

So, you may be wondering if I’m okay – if I have finally moved on.  With a thankful heart to God, I can say “Yes, I’m okay.” And “Yes, I’ve moved on.”  It wasn’t easy though. 😉

When I look back, I am filled with gratitude for my Father in heaven who is always so faithful to me. In James 1:17 says, God is “…the Father of the heavenly lights, who DOES NOT CHANGE LIKE SHIFTING SHADOWS” He was always with me all through this season of my life.  Best of all, He gave me the husbo, who’s the best friend I could ever have.

If you are going through heartbreak, I will not lie, it is PAINFUL and it is NOT EASY. But I encourage you, take heart.  God, has our best interest at heart.  He cuts away those things that do not bear fruit in our lives.  He pushes out people in our lives not because they’re inherently bad people, but because they hinder our growth in God.

“He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.”  John 15:2 (NIV)

You may not see this during your time of pain, but I assure you, if you just look beyond the pain, if you give God a chance to work in your heart, He will give you peace and joy like you’ve never had before.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)

Let me close this post with a message:

Melissa, if you are reading this, I want you to know that I am praying for you.  I may not be privy to the details of what you are going through, but one thing I know is that God CAN and WILL give you peace if you trust and have faith in Him. I encourage you, take heart! Big cyber HUG to you!

To my husbo, I thank God for you!  Thank you for being there with me through this season.  I know it may have been hard for you, but thank you for sticking it out.  For listening to me patiently and with an understanding heart. I love you!

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One Response to “Heartbreak”

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  1. God Uses Disappointments Too! « The Wifey Chronicles - January 24, 2011

    […] is actually connected to my previous post and I’d like to share this for those who are discouraged and […]

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